A discarded "No Pants, No Problem" poster helped lead to the discovery of a mythical creature's nest on the campus of William & Mary Friday night.
Police were called to the Student Recreation Center after students reported several unusual objects falling from atop the building, items that included a giant pair of nail clippers, a CD of The Eagles' greatest hits and a limited edition DVD of "The Lion King."
"I didn't give much thought to the nail clippers, but a CD and DVD? In 2015? I knew something weird was going on," said Kerry Reagan '18 on the condition of anonymity.
Investigators asked the W&M Squirrel, a 322-year super senior at the College, to go on a reconnaissance mission on the center's roof. After an hour, he gave an animated report to officers, but no one could understand him. Because he's a squirrel.
After finally making their way to the roof with the help of students in an adventure games course, investigators discovered a large nest-like structure constructed with bricks, Cheese Shop wrappers and partially-burned Yule logs.
Inside the nest, which was lined with feathers and never-been-worn skinny jeans, investigators found a Tribe flag, soccer scarf, empty Wawa bags, about 2,015 ticket stubs from Tribe Athletics events and a number of books, including the complete Harry Potter series and the 2014 best-selling self-help tome, "I Can't Stop Smiling: How to Access Genuine Emotion When A Smile Is Painted On Your Face."
Although investigators began to believe that the space was a secret lair for the campus Quidditch team, the nest's true creator and inhabitant was soon discovered to be the Griffin, W&M's mythical mascot – part eagle, part lion – who claimed responsibility for the structure after returning home around midnight, wearing a single glass slipper.
The nest, deemed a safety hazard, is scheduled to be removed this week. According to reliable sources on Yik Yak, the Griffin has found a new home in the bell tower of the Wren Building. Although the space is cramped, the mascot seems pleased with his new accommodations.
"He's always smiling," said Tom Jefferson '76.